what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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