i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
