all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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