Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
