Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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