I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize