She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
