I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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