Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
