he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
