Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
