i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize