this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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