I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
