she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
