Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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