You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
