Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
