So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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