so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Randomize
