woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
