I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize