I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize