that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
