Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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