you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
