I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
