I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
