if you like me you must not know who I am
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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