I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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