She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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