All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
