Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
