you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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