hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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