Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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