what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
