I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
