Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
this will be a night to untag.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
