We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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