Where is the hickey?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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