She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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