birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
