I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
