If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
