So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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