we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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