well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
