Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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