Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The power of my boobs compel you
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize