I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
