His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's blow job season.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
