i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
