he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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