Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
me + whiskey = a bad person
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
