so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
