O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
