Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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