He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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