worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
