if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
