I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
