I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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