I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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