I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
