I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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