You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
