The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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