I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
