I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
