why didn't you poke me back
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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