if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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