WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
