That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
