planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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