This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
