I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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