So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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