Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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