Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
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